| Lisette |
|
|
| 08:01pm 14/08/2007 |
| |
So I'm done waiting for Jessica. I figure if anything was supposed to happen it would have happened by now. God knows I love her but I'm finally ready to put those feelings behind me and move on. For once I feel really confident that I mean it this time, and I've set my eyes on Lisette. She's going through a hard time with her parents right now, not to mention she broke up with her boy friend about 2 months ago whom she dated and lived with for 8 months so I'm giving her some space before I tell her how I feel. I know she'll more than likely burn me down but hey, you never know unless you try and I don't want to keep asking myself what if. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Rebel |
|
|
| 11:04am 16/07/2007 |
| |
|
music: The Final Showdown - Tenacious D
|
Heh, managed to find a site that wasn't blocked on this blasted network at school so I figure I'll post something. Last night over at Andy's was pretty fun, really boring in some parts though. Andy just got into story mode and lost focus really easy. I think what really bummed me out was the 2 things we really fought where just to powerful and we had to grovel before a great power. He had a fucking green dragon attack us to introduce Brandon's character, a fucking greater wrym dragon. What the hell man. After that he threw us up against Ancient Water Elementals, he had to have his character show us all up and pretty much kill these bastard in one shot. I know we're all epic lvl but taking on those high lvl monsters makes it like a lvl 1 is picking a fight with a lvl 20. Other than that I saw Lisette at the game tonight, apparently she had moved out to Pacific Beach with her now Ex Boy-Friend Mario. I do have to say she looks fantastic and her personality did a complete 180 degree turn which is just sexy. When I left she was quiet, shy and way to nice. Now she voices her thoughts, partys, and actually a little bit of an attitude! I'm really happy for her, I flirted a little bit but I don't think she minded. ^.^ We did date for a little while in High School after all. I also just got my memory card back for my playsation 2 so I plan on getting my gaming on again tomarrow when I get home from school. I have mid terms tomarrow so I have to do a bit of studying tonight. Hurray right? |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Done with |
|
|
| 04:31pm 16/06/2007 |
| |
the younger girls, I'm so tired of the shit I have to put up with. I hate having to drive to their house, pick them up and drive them around. "Why can't I ever see you?" Well for one I'm busy as fuck with college and I work 30 hours a week. Do the math, I really have no time to myself let alone to spend with you. A relationship is the last thing I really need but it's still nice to know someone out there cares about me. On another note, if she had a car she could come see me whenever she desired. A job would be nice to so she could put gas in the car, feeding off your parents wallets is a little pathetic. Long story short, no more dependent girls for me. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 11:38pm 03/05/2007 |
| |
You don't know me, I'm not the same person you knew. I'm a man.. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 09:57pm 11/04/2007 |
| |
So I was supposed to move back Monday but something came up. I let my brother take the car to work in which case he got pulled over and my car got impounded because his license was suspended. Basically I got about five hundred dollars in fines right now, my brother covered half of it and a ticked I'm trying to fight. I'm still waiting for my tax return so I can just high tail it out of here and get back home. I was sitting down in the shower tonight and the water was just pounding on me, god I love it. While I was down there I started to think, have I changed at all since I've been gone in this year and a half and if I have, was it for the better? Part of me think I've matured but I hope not to much, I experianced new things on this little adventure and it's inspired me to be a little more on the dangerous side of life! God I really miss that shower, it's the only place in this world I feel relaxed and calm. Shit, I just might go take another one when I get back fromp picking my brother up from work. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| afi Concert! |
|
|
| 12:52am 08/03/2007 |
| |
It was fucking awesome for my first concert! The starting bands sucked something aweful but afi was just amazing. I'm still a little buzzed, post later. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 06:59pm 05/12/2006 |
| |
mood:  bored music: As I Lay Dying - Darkest Night
|
Okay, HIV test came out negative so that is just awesome! On another note I've been finding it harder and harder to go to work each night, I'm just getting bored of doing the same thing over and over again. I'm still going to go but man it's really starting to becoming a downer. I go in tonight alone and have the whole store to myself. Face the shelves and possibly throw the load we didn't finish last night. My body feels like it's on the verge of collapse. Found out our manager likes me too, the guys and I have placed bets on when she comes out. I wouldnt min going out on a date or two while I'm still here in Oregon. I need something to look forward to right now. One more month, two weeks come this Friday before I come back to California for good. I can't wait to go to college because I don't see manual labor in my future. I also bought Pirates of the Carribean - Dead Mans Chest this morning before I left work. Crashed in bed and watched it before I passed out. What else... I started smoking again, but it's not to bad. I only smoke like.. every other day when I just get stressed out. At least my body looks 100% better from 2 months ago, all fat and chubby and now I'm fucking skinny and flat with some mass to my arms and legs. If there is one thing to look forward to growing up, it's filling out. To bad mine started so late! Ugh I need to get laid.. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Thanksgiving |
|
|
| 12:19pm 23/11/2006 |
| |
So this morning started off pretty bad, we had a huge load and we didn't get it done. I was stressed out because I'm away from family for thanksgiving but things started to change around by the end of my shift. One of my boss's said "Great job on the load tonight, We didn't expect you'd get almost all of it done!" so that made my day right there. I ended up hooking Ed up with the girl in baking, he thinks I'm some sort of god now but the conversation went something like this. I walk up to her when she was getting stuff out of her locker and I say "Hey, your names Alana right?" and she goes "Yeah your.." she looks at my name tag and goes "Jerry!" and I say "Yeah, everyone around her calls me Wolfie though cause of my cute gruff" and she kinda looked at me and said "Thats cute wolfie.." and I'm thinking "Oh yeah she wants me.. wait, Ed... ed!" so I said to her "You know my friend Ed over there?" and she looks and says "Yeah.." and I say "Well he really likes you" she responds "Yeah I know" and I'm all like... uhhh.. "So, would you ever thinking about going out with him sometime?" and she said sure. Told him and he praises me, awesome! So that made me feel really good! So I get off my shift and I'm heading home this morning and I'm starting to get bumed out cause of the whole Alone for thanksgiving thing. So I literally said "Fuck this shit.." So I got invited to Daves Thanksgiving dinner and I'll be around friends and my brother Steven! I relised today that you can curse your life and get depressed but in doing so nothing gets done. If you want things to happen you have to act, and thats what I'm doing. Btw my nickname is wolfie in Albertsons >> awesomenessdidid |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 12:00am 19/11/2006 |
| |
mood:  blank
|
10:56 at the moment and I have to leave for work in half an hour, oh happy days. My body feels so numb right now, I can't wait for a day off to rest. Seems like the truck loads are getting bigger every other day. I can only imagine the devistation the day before thanksgiving will do. Speaking of thanksgiving, another year I'll be spending it alone. Not sure what else to put up here, I lost my train of thought. I slept for 9 hours on and off but I still don't feel rested. What the heck is bothering me?! |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 04:15pm 17/11/2006 |
| |
So I weigh 150 now, most of the fat on me is entirely gone. Though I'm left with a butt, but eh. At least my jeans fit better. Man why is it so hard to find the right girl? I mean, there are millions of women in this world where is the type I can be comfortable around? I want a girl who drinks and smokes and doesn't give a damn if I do it to, someone who will be intrested in games but doesn't have their world revolve about it. Yes I like to play games but if I had the chance I'd rather be out with friends and partying with or without her. She'd have to match my sex drive, she'd have to be willing to get out on her own. No more of this staying with parents shit. Your over 18 get the fuck out of the house or at least go to college.I suppose with all I'm trying to do up here right now I really don't need a woman in my life but it's still nice to know that someone is always thinking about you. Well not always but at least 2 times a day. I got paid today, a total of 260 bucks rounded out. I made about 510 but the government took out most of it. WTF, thats a shit load they took out of your check! I might think to myself later but it all adds up in the end, I didn't claim any dependents so hopefully I'll get some money back. The insurance on my car is being set up, rents do next month, thats 400 bucks I have to set aside and my car needs a new radiator which I'm going to have to install myself. Who says I havent grown up? About damn time, 20 years old for crying out loud. Btw... 6 months untill I can legally buy alcohol *Does a dance* Woohoo! |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Wow... |
|
|
| 10:19am 07/11/2006 |
| |
Okay so I'm working Frieght Crew at Albertsons. My shifts go from 12 at night tell 8:30 in the morning of pure busting my ass. Btw my weight droped down to 149 within the past two weeks. 11 pounds gone in 2 weeks! How is this possible?! Lack of money mainly lol. Don't have much to eat and burning everything off. Constant dizzy spells and I can feel the destruction I'm inflicting upon my body, though I must say my figure is looking nice again ^-^. So one of the top managers Brandon was talking a lot of shit about my Co-Workers and your truely about how we were doing a bad job and all this other crap in a very rude and unthoughtful manner. So we're all complaining about it and finally I chime in "Why doesn't someone talk to Don about this" and they all kinda looked at me like I was retarded or something. No one wanted to talk to Don about it so I said I would and everyone rolled there eyes. The end of my shift came and I walked into Don's office sweating and stinking and I told him "I have a problem with a co-worker" and he says "Yeah?" and I said "Yeah, it's Brandon and apparenty he's been talking about how terrible the Frieght crew is and some rather rude comments. I mean it's one thing to point the finger because it's easy but nothing ever gets done. You want things done you might have to get a little dirty, in his case simply come to us and tell us how WE can do a better job eliminating this problem. Talking crap only brings negativity into the work place and I wont have any of it, if he's got a problem then he should take it home and not to work. At work you do your job, smile, greet the customer, offer assistance and thank them. Or in my case just work my butt off" and he just kinda noded and asked "So how are you liking frieght crew" and I just kinda laughed walking out "It's tough no doubt about that.." and he says "I told you it would be" and I said "Yeah, but I love it!". When I walked out Ed was just looking at me and says "I see you in a light blue shirt..." Wow. (Ed is a member of the frieght crew. Also got me addicted to EVE). So thats the good news! Bad news is I think I have HIV, I have some of the simptoms and it's not very plesant, physically or mentally. So I'm going to go get tested in 6 weeks when my medical benifits kick in. I hope it's just something else. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Update |
|
|
| 01:59am 06/10/2006 |
| |
mood:  confused music: Stoned Sour - Through Glass
|
Okay, so I got a job at American Eagle as Seasonal help. I don't mind cause I'm getting experiance out of it that I can use on apps in the future. On another note, I can't stand Oregon for much longer. My brother has some massive mood swings and I never know which mood he's in when he comes into the room. God knows I love him though. I also started talking with my Ex-Girl friend Amy back in California. She broke up with me for some other guy, and two weks she called me back asking for me to take her back but I wasnt going to have any part in it. Now, I have to say I am intrested but here is the problem. She's 20 years old, has one kid thats 3 and is 2 months pregnant. I have great taste in women right? Wrong. I like her but I'm sure my parents will not have any part in this. Two kids that arnt mine, I can barely take care of myself state hoping 3 times in one year. I wish I had some direction in my life, know what I want to do. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Wow |
|
|
| 11:47pm 25/09/2006 |
| |
So I found a job in the mall thats willing to hire me and all I have to say is go figure. It's a preppy cloth store in the mall called American Eagle, they've checked up on my referances called me back and now I'm just waiting to get my schedule. So with the discount my wardrobe will change from skater (which I never really was) to Prep. And I'm alright with that. I'd rather look well dressed then a dark, don't want to attract the psycho girls. Steven's also been teaching me the guitar, about 1-2 hours every day and I can honestly say I sound a crap load better. I'm able to play a few more songs and I've managed to write a piece that rocks out hard core. Now if only I could sing or find someone who played drums and Bass Guitar. Other than that, not much is really going on. Been watching a few of the Invader Zim DvD's. Some funny shit! And now my favorite quote "The knowledge, it fills me! It is. Neat" Gir. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| So... |
|
|
| 12:48am 16/09/2006 |
| |
Havent updated since labor day so this is whats up. Me and Kristi have been hanging out a lot recently. She's pretty cool, and extremely flirty which I don't mind cause one thing led to another. Lets just say I didn't come home a couple of nights. lol! She's not really dating material so we're friends with benifits. Work has been fine, a little tough at first but everything coo now. My brothers friends Dave and Travis smoke a lot of weed, wish I would have known that before I moved in. Don't get me wrong, they're good guys. I would have just been prepared on what I was coming into. Thank god the house doesn't smell like it, because that shit reeks. No, no I havent smoked it and I wont. Rained for the first time today in Oregon since I've been up here. It has a weird smell that comes with it, something I'll have to get used to. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Labor Day |
|
|
| 10:50pm 04/09/2006 |
| |
I came close to breaking one of my rules today, I swear I was on the verge of being drunk tonight I'm still so buzzed. I got home from the bar down the street, my brother Steven and a couple of his buddies went down and we took turn's playing pool. 50 cents a game so it wasn't bad, my brother hooked me up with some nasty ass beer called Blue Boar. Around my 6th I couldn't really taste much. There was a hot red head hitting on me there name Kristi, she thinks I'm 22 lol! Anyways she gave me her number on a beer coaster we'll see where that goes. still disappointed in myself for being on the edge or partially drunk, I just felt like I had to drink to be cool in the eyes of my brother and his friends. (I didn't win one pool match either -.-') I'll hollar later. I feel like checking up on WoW |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Leaving tomarrow! |
|
|
| 09:24pm 27/08/2006 |
| |
So I'm leaving tomarrow, I'm pretty nervous about the whole thing. I'm eager however you start a new chapter in my life and perhaps further myself in becoming a better person. Honestly who can say they've hoped from state to state just within a couple of years. California to Utah and now Oregon. I wanted to travel the world but after I retired, I'm doing it young so this totally rocks. Seeing things that kids my age havent. It's like one never ending road trip! So this is just in case anything should happen to me on my trip to Oregon, I love my family very dearly and I wouldn't have done anything different in my life. Well maybe I would've finished school on time. lol |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Dirge Of Cerberus |
|
|
| 02:31am 25/08/2006 |
| |
mood:  content
|
So I went out and bought the game for PS2 to better understand the story line for the character Vincent Valentine. Good first person shooter, great voice actor for Vincent and other characters (Except Cid who they made into a damn hic). I can't say the story line they introduced was great and not to mention I beat the game inside of 8 hours. They didn't really explain to much about Vincent at all, it was mainly Vincents relationship with Lucrecia whom I could care less about. If I hear her say "I'm sorry" one more damned time I'll fucking rip my ears off. Other then the story line being a total bombshell and the lack of play time it's a decent game. I'm a hard core Final Fantasy 7 fan so I'll continue to buy anything they come out with from the 7 series. On another note, I woke up one morning called up th family back in Cali and mom talked me into moving to Oregon with my brother. Well I wouldn't really say talk to me into it, she suggested it and I liked the idea so I acted on it. Called my brother up and he said he'd put me up and maybe give me some construction work along side him. Burn off this remaining weight would be great and maybe meet some girls whom are not Mormon, lol! Ever since I was a kid, Oregon is where I've wanted to move. It might be perminent I'm not completely sure but looks that way. If things arn't looking up for December or I have a strong reason to return to California then I'll go back. Ugh, I'm not feeling to well. Feels like my flesh is frozen but I'm burning up on the inside. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Older |
|
|
| 02:27am 09/08/2006 |
| |
Jessica talks about how she's been depressed about losing her innocence. I reminded myself of what I was like before I lost all of mine to Deborah and I don't really think I could go back to the way I was. I didn't have the courage to hug let alone kiss to where now adays I go all the way and then some. I like being tainted, is that bad of me? I wouldn't think so, but hey other people might see it differently. I'm 20 years old, out of high school I work, I pay tax's I think I've got the right to fool around. Why is it that innocence is held in such high regard,I don't understand nore do I want to. I could understand in middle school and maybe high school. Here's a few lines on the lyrics I've been working on.
The day sky darker than night,
His heart stopped beating.
Did she know,
Did she know that he was with her.
That the moment she gave in,
He gave up life.
Her cold blue lips,
Burning in mind.
So mourn
Your fallen
Tell your tears have run dry.
I'm working on a beat, tweaking the lyrics a bit more. I havent totally decided what the song is about yet. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 10:22pm 20/07/2006 |
| |
I looked in the mirror tonight after I took a shower, still not anything great to look at. But when I flexed, holy shit I can see the sexiness lol. Not only that but lost strengths thats been robbed from me over the year I've been up here are turning... and possibly a bit more after I'm finished with these work outs. I swear upon my blood I will make something out of myself physically, and when I get back to California I'll make something of myself mentally by going to college. I will become a better person, count on it. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 06:58am 16/07/2006 |
| |
For the first time in years I got on my knee's beside my bed and prayed. I asked god to give me the mental power to overcome this grief I was feeling. I was totally confused by this twisting in my chest, this all so familiar pain. I recall this was what I felt the day I over dosed on pill back in High School after Jessica left. (I freaked out cause my chest started cramping up and had Jamie call 911, they pumped this charcole crap down my throat and spent most of the night with an IV in my arm with fluids pumping through me. No I didn't die, obviously) For the longest time I thought the pain was caused because I had fallen for her so hard but that wasn't it and I see that now. I have a fear of being alone in the future. I'm a decent looking guy with nothing really special about him, so what can girls find intresting in me? I'm 20 years old and time keeps sliping through my fingers. These seven month in 2006 feel like only two for me. Anyways, I also asked god for the strength to sleep peacefully. I slept in darkness and didn't wake at all during the night, my neck wasn't all fucked up. The only thing that bothers me are my arms, chest, and stomach from my work out. Call me crazy but I also felt like last night I was being held, I broke down in tears from the love I felt. lol, I'm getting all tiery eyed just thinking about it. Anyways I have work here in a little while so I'll try to keep this updated more. And on another note, I don't feel ashamed of who I am anymore. I'll prove my worth this I swear upon my blood and name. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
socal_vampjerry's journal